Hannah

Hannah screamed as she thrust her body towards me, pulling away from her mother. Saline tears raced up and over her flushed cheeks, like two agile skiers racing down the snow covered slopes. One by one the tears landed on her snug t-shirt. The dark spots created random polk-a-dots across her belly that grew with each passing second.

I looked at her mother, "Is there something I can do to make this better?" Kai and I were leaving after a play dough playdate. I stayed too long and needed to make a speedy exit in order to meet my daughter at our house when she stepped off the bus.

Charlene sighed, "She wants a hug and a kiss."

Ah, that explained Hannah's fish like movements with her lips. I tried blowing her a kiss.

"Hannah, look," I said dramatically bringing my hand up to my own puckered lips. "I'm going to blow you a kiss, get ready to catch it ok?"

Most kids love this game, catching the winged kiss with their padded palms. Hannah continued to scream, wanting no part such breezy affection. She pulled away from Charlene, causing her to quickly shift her weight to the opposite side in order to prevent both of them from toppling over.

"Ok," I said. "How about a kiss on your head?" I barely knew this little one. I tried to read her mother's face. Did she want me to give her daughter a kiss good-bye? Certainly not. I wouldn't want someone I barely knew kissing my kids. So, I planted a soft kiss on Hannah's shiny honey colored hair, noticing her perfect part down the middle. I realized that after six years, I still haven't mastered such a clean part on my own daughter's hair.

This only proved to insult Hannah and she yowled with more intensity. Looking up at me with her pale blue eyes, she seemed offended, as if I had offered her an apple in place of a towering flowered cake on her birthday. Meanwhile, the clock ticked away in my mind, the bus would be coming soon.

So I leaned down and gave her the quickest kiss I could muster on her quivering lips and magically, she stopped.

Relieved I said, "Okay Hannah, we'll see you next week and I'll bring stamps to play with next time." Hannah closed her eyes and rested her head on Charlene's shoulder, suddenly exhausted.

"See ya!" Charlene waved as we finally walked out the back door where my car waited impatiently.

As I turned the key in the ignition my thoughts shifted gears with disapproval. Why didn't I just leave? Lots of kids cry at the end of a play date. I taught elementary school for several years. I know about boundaries. "Give me a high five or a hug!" Those are the choices.

But Hannah is living in a home for pregnant women who are in crisis. Her mother is expecting a baby soon and is trying to secure a job, a car and a place to live in these coming months with the help of the staff at the home. Hannah now lives with 4 other families in similar situations, pregnant mothers with no where to go, trying to piece their lives back together. How can I deny such a simple request from a 2 year old? But the fact is, next time I will need stick to my guns and say no. I know it must be against the rules to give the kids kisses.

I wasn't prepared, in many ways, I was not prepared at all. I will return next week with the box of stamps and colored ink pads under my arm and the phrase, "How about a high 5 or a hug?" planted firmly in my mind.


** Names used are not the real names of the given individuals.