The Tanning Bed Story

I spent all day yesterday listening and waiting for a comment to spark my interest. I worked all day and heard nothing remarkable. I finished working late. I was determined to work out anyway and bought a G2 Gatoraide at my last Target of the day, purple, my favorite flavor, and gulped it down on the way to Cardinal. By the time I arrived, changed into my workout clothes and hopped on the spin bike, my blood sugar felt semi-normal. Plus, I knew Josh had my favorite chicken burritos waiting for me when I got home, good incentive to workout and get home.

About 15 minutes into my workout, a rather large, short man wearing a canary yellow tee-shirt walked up to me. “Hi!” he said a little meekly, holding up his hand in more of a “I come in peace” sort of manner than a wave. Pulling an earpiece out I lifted my eyebrows and said, “Uh, hi.”

“I just wanted to come over and say hi, “ he began, shifting his weight back and forth from one foot to the next, “I didn’t want things to be awkward you know…”
I had absolutely no idea what this man was talking about. He seemed a bit wired and his eyes were bloodshot. He stood about 5 feet 3 inches tall and almost that much wide. The guy was huge, not fat huge, but painfully stretched and highly veined skin, huge. Blinking rapidly, he smiled up at me, it looked as if he also had dentures.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I know you.”

“Oh, are you not the girl who walked in on me in the tanning bed the other day?”

Yikes. “Um, no, that wasn’t me.”

“Well, you know, I didn’t think you saw me totally naked or anything, right? But I wanted to make sure it wasn’t weird between us or anything, you know?

Two things occurred simultaneously at that moment, first I thought, “Did he not just hear me say that it wasn’t me?” and “Oh my gosh, brain, please do not send me an image this guy naked.”

“Well, that wasn’t me. “ I said again, with a bit more force. He looked a little disappointed. I tried to smooth it over a little for him. “ You know what? People think I look like someone else all the time. I cannot even tell you how many times someone has come up to me thinking I was someone else.” I laughed at myself, trying to put this guy at ease and get on with my workout.

“Well,” he said, sticking out his hand, “I’m Jerry.”

“Okay,” I guess he wasn’t ready to go quite yet. “I’m Kate.” I said shaking his hand.

“Well, you girls all look alike at your age, with your hair and everything,” he said without smiling.

That’s just what every woman wants to hear isn’t it? Not that she stands out in a crowd, but that she looks like a clone of the one before her.

He went on. “It was pretty weird you know, you walking in on me. Not a big deal though. I just didn’t want things to be awkward. After all, it wasn’t your fault really. The guys at the front desk are the ones who messed the rooms up.”

“Yep, I imagine that would be pretty awkward.” But mister, I thought, I did not walk in on you. I am not your lady. Take a look at me. Do I look tan to you? I have never even used a tanning bed before. I wear 50+ sun block and still get burned. How about you take this conversation up with this fathomed bronzed woman later and we’ll both be on our way? Please, this is exchange is painful.

“Sooo…” he continued, spreading his hands out in front of him, palms up, “Just let me know if you need anything at all…” still, not walking away. “If you need anything, you just let me know.” What would I need from him I wondered?

“Alllllll-right,” I answered putting my ear piece back in and taking a deep breath. He was finally leaving. Out of the corner of my eye him I saw him walking up to his buddy with a big smile.

What the heck was that? I thought.

At least it colored my day with a bit of interest, no matter how uncomfortable it was.
What is the take away lesson here? Save your skin and keep your clothes on people. Or at least lock the door.