Coincidences

**Free writing-Write about a coincidence

I remember standing in the kitchen talking to Josh about my conversation with Jenny and then running into Susan at the store. Jenny called earlier and we talked for awhile about adoption. At the time, Jenny longed for another child. Her youngest, Kyle, now over a year and life slowing down a bit, she felt ready to take another one on, ready to enjoy that closeness with another child. Scott felt a bit differently. He did not share any of those particular maternal/paternal desires. Freedom tasted sweeter than reproduction did. Jenny hoped to convince him otherwise, but I think she knew that most likely, there would not be anymore children.

Earlier in the day, the phone rang and I answered, knowing it was her. There are a couple people in my life that I almost always seem to know are calling before “Hello?” My sister is one of them. A smug sense of “ I knew it” washes over me each time my guess proves correct.

“Hey, I have some news about adoption for you.” Jenny said excitedly.
“I talked to Dr. Anderson about it and she said that it really isn’t that expensive.”
“How can it not be that expensive?” I interrupted.
“She said that you pay the fees a little at a time, not all at once. Like, you pay for the home study first, then part of an agency fee, then for the paperwork as you get it done. You don’t pay the rest until you get your child, which can be awhile anyway.”
“Really? I never even thought about that? That makes sense though.”
“Yeah, well, I told her, you know in a perfect world, I would want to adopt, but it is just so expensive.”

“I know it is just so frustrating and overwhelming. I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten on the computer to try and research it all. But I just end up feeling so overwhelmed that I get off. It seems impossible, but then I think, “Well, other people do this, there has to be something that I am missing here.” I said, looking out the window into our backyard. The cardinals were hopping around the ground pecking at it for food. When we first moved into this house in the middle of December, the cardinals seemed to flock to the umbrella like oak tree out by our shed. They were like Mother Natures’s neighborhood welcome wagon.

I tried to draw birds to the barren back yard of our townhouse to no avail. It turns out birds really do need trees, since our complex had none, I rarely saw anything outside of a sparrow or house finch outside our windows. This house signified a new beginning. I lost my second pregnancy in the townhouse, now we left the townhouse behind and a flock of ruby red cardinals had flown out to meet me. Surely only good things could await us here I thought, only to lose another pregnancy six months after moving in.

“Her daughter is adopted.” Jenny went on as she does when she gets on roll, in her big sister way, needing to push forward and share all she knows because it will help you. You’ll see. “They adopted her from India. I guess her husband is Indian, so they really wanted the child to be from there. I’m not sure if she had any miscarriages, or trouble getting pregnant or not, but she is also a part of this infertility board that gives seminars for people dealing with infertility.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and they have one coming up in April, I can give you the website if you want it.” Jenny shared.

“Sure, couldn’t hurt to look at it.” I said, not wanting to get my hopes up too high. I wasn’t ready to climb the ladder of possible babyhood again quite yet. Ironically, I knew all too well how much it could hurt to even ‘look into’ adoption. Previous researching efforts left me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, feeling that perhaps Elizabeth was just meant to be an only child.

Josh and I talked at length about this possibility. Usually I ended up researching being only children soon after looking into adoption. It turns out, statistically, only children turn out pretty good, high IQ’s, positive social skills, usually high achievers. Each time Josh or I met someone who was an “only” we questioned them about it. “How did you feel about being an only child?” “What was it like?” As if being without siblings were similar to living alone in a mud hut in India, singular, foreign and exotic in nature. Time and time again, each person assured us that being an only child was not a bad thing at all.

After taking down all the information my sister had meticulously gathered, we hung up. I needed to go the grocery store, get some food in the fridge and think. So, I packed Elizabeth, then 3 years old, into our car and headed off to Meijer.
As I approached the dairy case, I recognized a familiar face. Susan Backer and a beautiful little Asian girl about Elizabeth’s age riding in her cart. I babysat for Susan in college during my breaks from school and over the summers. She and her husband had two little boys who were now in junior high. After our initial hellos and how are yous, I asked her if they had a new family member?

“Yes!” she said proudly. “This is Ellie. We’ve just arrived home from China about 10 days ago.”

I couldn’t believe it. Just minutes before my sister and I were discussing adoption, her telling me how Dr. Anderson recommended China for various reasons, and running into Susan at the grocery store, who I hadn’t seen for years, and she just happens to be fresh off the plane from China with her new daughter!

We spoke for several minutes. I shared with Susan that Josh and I were considering adoption but were concerned about the cost, process, etc. She answered many questions, recommended her adoption agency, gave me her number and email for follow-up questions and advice, and then went on her way, changing my life forever in 10 minutes.

Later that day, when Josh returned home from work, we talked in the kitchen, me sitting on the counter top, Josh standing before me. I recounted the story and what a coincidence it all was. Before this moment, when I brought up adoption, Josh seemed hesitant. “Well,” Josh said in his typical way, making huge decisions with apparent ease and with total confidence, “I think we should do it. Let’s just stop everything else and focus on adopting then.”

“Seriously?” I wasn’t so sure I was ready to go that far yet.

But the next day I started the calls and filled out a form for Susan’s agency, and we were on our way. It still amazes me to this day, a chance encounter with a woman I used to babysit for, came at just the right moment, essentially bringing us to China, to toddler adoption, to Kai, our son.