The "Odyssey" could be over soon

**I am attempting to blog a little bit each day. We will see how well I do. This is just a little experiment.**


We could be saying good-bye to our Honda Odyssey mini -van later this week. Earlier this summer, I had been feeling a lot of “green” induced guilt about the mini-van. I kept finding myself driving alone in the van, or with just one child. The empty seats and space seemed to be screaming at me, “This is not necessary!!!” And I agreed. We’ve already made some changes to try and use less gas. Josh car pools to work with a friend of ours. While I drive quite a bit for work, Josh and I always check to see who is driving the most miles on any given day and that person takes the Civic.
I approached Josh about selling the mini-van a few months ago. I figured we could save money on two sides with another car, smaller payment and better gas mileage. Plus, I felt like, someone has to start going back down to smaller cars, maybe we should be one of first families to make the change. While our van definitely has lots of space, it also has a whole set of luxuries we don’t have in the Civic, automatic sliding doors that open with the push of a button, leather interior, seat heaters, and just a really nice comfortable car to ride in.
The hardest part is that Josh bought that van for me a little over a year ago, knowing how much I wanted a mini-van. At the time we were waiting and hoping to receive our referral to adopt from China. I felt sure that if we bought a mini-van, The Field of Dreams theory would fall into place, “If you drive it, they will come.” Certainly, with such a huge car, more children would be destined to join our family. I felt desperate to make that happen. So Josh went out and found the perfect mini-van while I was visiting a college friend in California. It was so exciting. Seeing that van, I just knew we’d have more children soon. Sure enough, we received our information about Kai and the rest is history. Here he is and we’re now a family of four.
Part of me doesn’t want to let go of the mini-van just for that reason, just because it feels like it almost delivered Kai to us. I also wanted the van because I just knew that we could adopt again, that I our family would need one more child. Josh had sort of balked at this idea, but I felt sure he would come around. Secretly I worried it could turn into a point of contention between us. Interestingly enough, I really feel that two is the perfect amount for us. I am totally and completely content with our family exactly how it is right now. I don’t see us adopting another child. That knowledge is incredibly freeing and somewhat disappointing at the same time.
I can’t help but think back to all of the times I loudly declared that I wanted 4 kids. I just knew that I would be the greatest mom ever. I wanted as many children as possible. Plus, telling people about your desire to have four children impresses people. It does and I took a great deal of satisfaction from those looks of approval. I reveled in my ambitious family plan. All of this was set in stone in my mind, until I had my first baby. Then, reality set in with a heavily weighted thump. I quickly whittled the number down to three. You need a mini-van for three children, so that is what I wanted.
In some ways, getting rid of the mini-van makes me feel like a failure as a mother. Shouldn’t I want more children? What happened to the girl who couldn’t wait to watch over a brood of children? But the flip side is that I am so completely and totally happy and grateful and content with the family I have right now. We have a boy and a girl, they get along, (for the most part), are healthy, happy kids. My husband and I are still able to spend time with each other and are both pursuing career goals that we are passionate about.
Regardless, I will be sad to see the van go. It feels like the end of an era and I’ve never been one to handle good-byes well.