15 minutes

This blog is haunting me. I keep thinking, " I need to sit down and write. Is this quitting? Is that what you are doing? What about the rest of your rejections for the year? What about that? You have time, don't even try the time deal. You are the one who always says, 'You make time for what you want to make time for.' Which is true by the way. So, what's the deal? When are you going to at least make some kind of effort again?"

Today. Now. Fine.

Here's what I am going to try. Note, I say "try" because in the past I've seen just how quickly all of my resolutions swirl down the drain with quiet abandon. The plan is, I will set my microwave timer for 15 minutes. And for 15 minutes, I will type and try to get something out. Note: this all may very well be crap, it may all be crap anyway, but this is beside the point. I just need to feel that I am addressing this somehow. Today, on Saturday night, with my sick daughter up in bed, I start this new plan. If I make a week I will be thrilled. Actually, how about I buy myself a new set of Uniball pens if I make it 7 days in a row? Who wouldn't want a new set of the best pens ever?

Deal!

Today, I crawled across the floor in the way I remember my mom doing so many times as a kid. I was putting all the pieces of the quilt I've made for Kai together. A quilt is really like a big fabric sandwich. The pieced together colorful part goes on the top, the fluffy batting in the middle and a sheet for the back. I do all my quilting by hand. In order to assure that the pieces don't slide around as you work on getting all the quilting in, you make large basting stitches in black thread in the shape of an X across the top. To to this, you must lay all the pieces out flat on the floor, then crawl across it with a threaded needle, placing all of the basting stitches. Once the quilting is finishes, you simply nip the thread and pull it out.

I haven't worked on a quilt for too long. Sewing calms me in a way I wish meditation would. I've failed at that too many times to count! I come from a long line of quilters. I would have to check with my mom, but I think I am the third of fourth generation of female quilters on my mom's side. My grandma made beautiful quilts. I actually got what I think of as her last beautiful quilt. Everytime I look at it, wrap it around me, I can almost feel her smooth dry hand over mine.

I started Kai's quilt before we brought him home. My mind felt so scattered. I longed for some organization. If I could not stitch my thoughts together into a straight line, well, I would stitch pieces of fabric together instead. After several attempts to produce what I felt I wanted, I gave up. Even sewing cound't calm the storm in my mind.

Today, as I sat in our over-sized blue chair to being the quilting, I felt such a sense of calm come over me. Elizabeth was curled out on our couch, flushed with a fever. She looked over at me and said, "Mommy, can I cut the string for you?" She needed to keep her tousled head on the pillow, so I told her, "How about tomorrow if you are feeling better?"

I taught her how to use the sewing machine this week, just as my mom taught me years ago. There is something so potent about passing on these basic skills to your kids. I felt such a strong tie to my mom, my grandma and the women who I never met in our family who sat before sewing machines, piecing together their next creation, deciding what fabric to use or which pattern to try next.

Time.