A new bike or an engagment ring?

Lately, with all of the triathlon training I’ve been doing, I’ve gotten reacquainted with my road bike. No longer is “Goldie” just coming out for the annual Hilly Hundred ride with my Dad and sister. I’m getting both of us ready for some serious riding in these upcoming months. Brushing up on my cycling skills has allowed some old feelings to resurface. Once again, I am 23 years old and longing for a carbon fiber frame atop of two wheels, instead of 2 carats on a platinum band, all the while trying to assert myself as a competent adult.

When Josh and I had been dating for awhile, and it was clear that he wanted to get married, we talked about two things. #1-I loved him, but was more than a little leery about all things marriage related. #2-If we were to get married, I had no interest in a ring. But I did mention a new road bike would be a nice way to start things off.

To be fair, what I ideally imagined included purchasing something that we would share in our life together. I read about people buying a dog as an engagement gift. Josh already owned a dog and two dogs seemed like a ridiculous idea for a couple planning to live in an apartment. At the time, I believed that engagement rings laden with a massive diamond implied a pending ownership of the woman. I wanted nothing to do with that idea. Why did just women receive engagement rings? Why not men? What showed the world that a man was preparing to get married? Why did his hand remain naked while mine was required to wear a rock? It just bothered me. In all fairness, I understand that most people do not view engagement rings in such a manner. I myself no longer hold such a view of them, but it meant a lot to me at the time.

Plus, I wanted a new road bike so badly; why not use a new bike as a symbol of the upcoming nuptials? For years, I used my mom’s old ten speed for the rides my Dad and I did together. I felt ready to move past the standard ten speed and elevate my riding to a more sophisticated level. Josh loved the idea and figured shopping for a bike would be a lot easier and more fun than shopping for a ring.

Unfortunately for Josh and his shopping plans, my parents bought me a new road bike for my college graduation gift. I was thrilled to have my new bike. New road bike or engagement ring aside, I knew Josh was the one for me. I also knew I needed to live on my own and keep our status at the “serious, but not engaged” level, at least for awhile.

Before meeting Josh I vowed not to even think about marriage or a serious relationship until my mid-thirties. I had things to accomplish. At least that’s what I told myself before Josh. Now, out on my own, I still wanted to pay my own bills, buy the food, and decorate the apartment however I pleased. I felt the need to be a responsible adult before I became a spouse. In typical Josh style, he remained confident in my love and commitment to him. If I didn’t want a ring or a big wedding or an engagement right away, he was cool with that and could hang out as long as I needed. That is exactly what he did.

So I found an apartment and for six months I wrote the checks, went to work, ran the errands and cooked the food. Josh pretty much lived with me, but my name was on the lease. By December, I’d had enough. Whatever I needed to prove to myself I had proven.

On December 24th, 1999, Josh proposed and I happily accepted. (How he proposed is a story for another day, but let’s just say, the night ended with a massive migraine on my part!) My engagement ring could not be more perfect in my eyes. It is the ring his Papa bought for his Nana when they got engaged, a family piece his Nana gave to Josh, to someday give to me, when we were both ready.

Next year, Josh and I will mark our 10 year anniversary. While we didn’t purchase his and her bikes for our engagement, it might be a good way to mark a decade of marriage. Josh could have other ideas though, like a nice vacation or a romantic getaway. I guess it would be my turn to let him have his way and return the favor he granted me many years ago.